something to offend everyone - but sooooo funny -

by Prototype Fri Jul 04, 2008 8:47 am

SOMETHING TO OFFEND
EVERYONE

What is a
Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a
guy can do it alone.

What is
the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do lawyers use for birth control?

Their
personalities.

What's the
difference between a girlfriend and wife?
20 kgs.

What's the difference between
a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp
knife.

Why do men want to marry
virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to
find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new
dog?
After a year, the dog is still
excited to see you.

What makes
men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a
redhead are all in year 9.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

What's the difference between a porcupine
and a police car?
A porcupine has the pricks on the
outside.

What did the blonde
say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't
have eyes.

What would you call
it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What's the difference between an Australian zoo and an
English zoo?
An Australian zoo has
a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a
recipe.

How do you get a sweet
little 80-year-old lady to say the F... Word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell
*BINGO*!

What's the difference
between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA
fairytale?
A Northern fairytale
begins 'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins 'yall ain't gonna
believe this shit...'

Why is
there no Disneyland in China?
No
one's tall enough to go on the good rides.